A "rainbow baby"
A baby that's born after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or loss.
Just like a rainbow that follows a storm, these babies symbolise hope, after the darkness of loss.
For those of us who have faced fertility struggles and the heartbreak of loss, a rainbow baby can feel like both a miracle and a reminder of everything we’ve been through.
I know this firsthand.
Fertility Struggles & Loss
When we first began trying for a family and after being on the pill for many years, I didn't expect to have any issues. But straight away it was very clear something wasn't right.
Afterfurther investigations, we learnt I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.
I wasn't expecting anything like this and after the getting over the shock, they quickly got us on the road to starting fertility treatments.
This lead to a long road on our fertility journey. Like many others, I had hope and excitement. But soon, the road became more complicated and painful than I ever could have imagined. Every negative test, every doctor’s appointment, and every failed procedure chipped away at the hope I once had.
And then came the worst storm of all — loss. Losing a pregnancy, no matter how far along, is a devastation that words can hardly describe. The grief is suffocating. It's a loss of the future you had already started to plan, and the dreams of what could have been.
I remember how I questioned everything: my body, my health, my ability to be a mother. Why was this happening? What did I do wrong?
In the wake of that loss, everything felt like a blur. My world became centered around grief, doctor’s appointments, and treatments, all while quietly trying to hold onto a thread of hope that things would eventually change. Every friend or family announcing another pregnancy felt like a reminder of what I couldn’t have.
I felt broken, alone, and utterly heartbroken.
Finding Hope Again
We decided to keep trying — not because the loss became any easier to bear, but because, deep down, I knew I wanted to be a mother.
And then, after what felt like an eternity of tears, doctors, treatments, and countless moments of doubt, it happened. I saw that very unexpected positive test!
After 4 years, I had fallen pregnant naturally!
A Pregnancy After Loss
Pregnancy after loss is a journey of its own. The excitement I had felt during my first pregnancy was now replaced with fear.
Every doctor’s visit, every ultrasound, every moment was tinged with anxiety. I held my breath at every milestone, waiting for something to go wrong. I was afraid to get too attached, and there were constant fears for me throughout.
But as the weeks turned into months, and as I felt those first tiny kicks, a different kind of hope started to grow. This pregnancy wasn’t just a chance to become a mother — it was a continuation of my journey.
Welcoming Our Rainbow Baby
When my rainbow baby was finally born, the emotions were overwhelming. Holding that tiny life in my arms brought a mixture of joy, relief, and gratitude that I had never known.
I had fought so hard for this moment.
But with that joy also came the memories of the storm I had weathered. The babies I had lost would always hold a piece of my heart, and my rainbow baby didn’t erase that loss.
Without loosing them (it was twins), I wouldn't of had my baby now.
A Message To Those Still Weathering the Storm
If you’re reading this and are still in the midst of your own storm — struggling with infertility, grieving a loss, or wondering if the hope of a rainbow baby will ever be yours — I want you to know that your pain is valid, your journey is important, and you are not alone.
It’s okay to feel joy and sadness, hope and fear, all at once. It’s okay to grieve the child you lost while holding onto the hope of the future. And it’s okay to take your time, to process in your own way.
Every journey is different, and not everyone’s path will look the same. But no matter where you are in the process — whether you're just beginning, in the middle of fertility treatments, or waiting for your own rainbow baby — your strength and courage are incredible.
And when that rainbow finally comes, they will be all the more special because of everything you’ve been through.
Embracing Your Journey
Having a rainbow baby doesn’t mean the storms never happened. The scars are still there, and the loss remains a part of me. But my rainbow baby has helped in ways I never imagined possible.
They’ve shown me that it’s possible to carry grief and joy together, and that motherhood, in all its forms, is a journey of the heart.
To those who have walked this path with me, I see you. I see your strength and your perseverance.
We may not have chosen this journey, but together, we are navigating the storms and celebrating the rainbows, one day at a time.
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